I want to put " lose weight ' at the top of the to-do list after 11 November but that'll mean not being able to enjoy food during a holiday which well sucks so I've decided to amend it so it says " Lose weight " 18 Novemember onwards. But prom in on the 17th and I'm going to look like a ba chang in whatever I decide to wear which at the moment I am clueless about.

Dad and Jon thinks that I'm too skinny. Am I the only who thinks otherwise? Yesterday I learnt the defination of skinny. " Can see the bones then skinny like you! *Points at Jon "

I need some osim shit to counter this stiff neck of mine. I'm aching all over. Sadly my once lithe exterior is diminishing by the day, like the diminishing method of depreciation. Hell, once this week its over I think I can breathe better.

I opened up my e-mail page to send a complaint letter to the nearby police post but then closed it. Sigh. I just hope the rain keeps these imbeciles away from the hut beneath my block. Honestly what so appealing about that particular hut. There are more than 300 in the area. Go.choose.another.freaking.hut if a hut seems more comforable than a house.

I need to devise a new method of putting across very nicely and politely, the fact that my name has been misspelt.

There's finally some peace and quiet around in my house.

There was this construction works on my block (that never seems to cease. Or should I say that the works' never done? Annoying.) and this morning, they woke me up, very rudely.

I literally jumped out of my bed because of the sudden drilling noise.
And that was like at 08:30AM!!!
Plus I couldn't get to sleep last night, and I haven't got the slightest idea why.

!@!@##$@#%^&&*(#!^!

I dno what's going on right now. But I'm so annoyed by those drilling noise and this trumpet player somewhere that seems to be playing this 5 notes (yes, I counted) over and over and over again.

D:<

Right. Back to more Social Studies. *fakes enthusiasm for it*

Have you ever wondered behind all the smiles, hellos, goodbyes, rain, humid days, tears, laughter, who you really are?

Here I am, on a cold Friday night, listening to Tresspasser Williams, wondering who I really am.
I can be anyone I wanna be?

I think I'm a rather boring person. The consequential part of things always get to be before I can do anything. Sometimes, I think I'm paranoid over the wrong things and I think too much. I wish I was many things. Can I really accept the fact that I am a boring person? Why can't my brain be programmed to say " Fuck it " to things and them be.

Maybe I've a knack for being in control, losing control is moderately unacceptable. Although sometimes I really just wish to spin out of control. Sometimes I think I am an old women stuck in a young girl's body with the numerous consequential thoughts that cross my mind. Why can't I be someone who'll just say " Fuck it " and do whatever I want. But do I really want to?

Is it disappointing to know the one you thought should know you the best, knows you only in epidermal ways? How does one, measure their own self worth to another? Juxtaposed with another whom takes effort to know you, to one who makes the years in knowing you but only knows you skin deep.

Do cold Friday nights coupled with bus rides provide fertile ground for vulnerablity? Tomorrow is Halloween, the one day in the year you can be anything you want to be behind a mask or costume. I'm going to be the opposite of last year.

Okay, I realised its not exactly very thought provoking but its okay, I'll come up with something better soon, or at least I'll try.

I'm going to be vegetarian. But I love meat too much.

I feeling ultra screwed now
this week wasnt good for me at all
first english, i felt i screwed up paper1
then emaths, i think i screwed up again, all because of my carelessness
and now amaths, i screwed it up once again, all because of my carelessness again
i really really hate myself for being so careless
whenever i have the time to check my work, i cant spot any mistakes but when i dont have the time to check, i will have so many mistakes
and that sucks cause it cost me a hell lot of marks

i have no idea if i am scared of exams or something
i just cant perform my best
really feel so stressed up now. i have no idea what results i am going to get if i am going at a rate like this
whenever mom and dad ask me how was the paper, all i could do is to fake a smile and tell them it was okay

really hate this feeling
i really need to find back my motivation to bring me through the remaining two weeks

i need stop screwing myself up!



Will I make my mark this time?